Adventurer ｜ Philosopher ｜ Mother
Hearer of the Song ｜ Envoy of Death

Joan

Stormwolf

She was a sister, a slave, a soldier, a mercenary, a priestess, and a treasure hunter.
She's a philanthropist, a business owner, a politician, a mother, and a superhero leading humanity's side of a secret war with an alien machine army.
And she still makes time for hobbies.
What's your excuse?

Joan Stormwolf

Critical Statistics

Age29 twelvemoons old
Birthdate11th Sun of the Fourth Astral Moon in Year 1559 of 6AE
BirthplaceHemlock, Coerthas Western Highlands, Ishgard
RaceMixed W (wolf), N (aldgoat), and Y (jaguar) combined tribal heritage; Seeker of the Sun (non-tribal Coerthan diaspora)
Height5 fulms, 2.5 ilms tall
HairBrown with natural blue highlights, currently dyed purple with bright pink highlights
EyesHeterochromatic – left blue, right brown
PartnerGeras Stormwolf (husband)
ChildrenLillian Nael Stormwolf (21), Lily Stormwolf (9), Lillian Jael "LJ" Stormwolf (1), Noah Thaddeus Stormwolf (1), Elijah Caspian Stormwolf (0).
AliasesCountess Joan Abigail Stormwolf of House Cross (full Ishgardian and legal name), W'jona Milo (Seeker tribal name), Bluejay (intimate nickname), the Blue Fox (as an enslaved gladiator in the bloodsands in Thanalan), M'nela Zomu (serving the Twin Adder undercover as a cook during the Imperial occupation of Ala Mhigo), Delilah (pseudonym used only among the Night's Blessed), Ose Ul (name given to her in the fae language following her actions during the Black Summer of 7 AE)
NationalityGridanian citizenship; Ishgardian citizenship; Sharlayan legal residency and property ownership rights
AffiliationsThe Heralds of Jijivisa (chief administrator), The First Step Café (co-owner), Lunar Rose Adventure Academy (part-time student), Stillglade Fane (Hearer, honorary), The Twin Adder (Captain, retired), Lavender Pathways (Trustee and Past President for Years 6–7 AE)

Joan Stormwolf

The Story of

Joan

Seventh Era: The Wolf

7th Umbral Era 🌚⚪

7th Astral Era 🌞⚫

Years 1–5 of 7AE

A Woman Reborn

Crosses

Years 5–7 of 7AE

The Black Summer ☠️

Year 7 of 7AE

Calamity Mine

Gestures of Contrition

Years 7–8 of 7AE

Interliberasocietas

Years 8–9 of 7AE

Stormwolves

To Be Human 🤖🤍

Year 10–11 of 7AE

Joan Stormwolf

My

Very Special, Private

Diary

Year 10 of 7AE

The Sixth Astral Moon

November 2023

The Sixth Umbral Moon

December 2023

  • [No entries for December. Yet.]

Joan Stormwolf

My Family

Photobook

Joan Stormwolf

Potential Roleplaying

Hooks

  • You are or were a gladiator in the illegal fighting pits of Ul'dah. Chances are you'd know her as "The Blue Fox," and not as Joan.

  • You worked with or within the Adder's Nest during the war to liberate Ala Mhigo. You would know Joan as a Serpent Sergeant before she "up and vanished." All you would have been told was that I was transferred to an alternate unit.

  • You work in the Eorzian intelligence community. The fact that Joan worked behind enemy lines in Garlean-controlled Ala Mhigo is classified, but it's probably well-known among other members of the intelligence community. You would know Joan as a Serpent Captain. Some more cynical members of the intelligence community may think she has been "turned," since she seems to be very empathetic towards Garleans now.

  • You lived in the Coerthas Western Highlands before the Calamity. Joan was not well-known, but to those in the know, House Dzemael was very proud to have two miqo'te among its knights, one of whom was a girl.

  • You work in the field of Allagan, Nymean, or Mhachi relic hunting. You may have heard of the two siblings who stole the Crimson Eye, a very big ruby that can condense visible light, out from under the nose of Maru Picaru, a cruel and vindictive collector. They've started a company called the Cross…something. It starts with a C, but you're sure it's unpronounceable.

This page is still being edited for accuracy and style. We should have an update for you by December 3, 2023.

The History of House Cross

The Fifth Era:

The Jaguar

Chapter 1

The Hubris of Man

Since the dawn of the Fifth Astral Era and the thawing of the endless frosts that plagued the earlier age, the mountains of Gyr Abania had once again become the home of the twenty-six original tribes of the Seekers of the Sun, although since this time they had immigrated into Eorzea from the north, they spread far and wide across the continent of Aldenard, and this was where the tribes of the Sun found themselves when the War of the Magi ignited, and the three Great Wizarding Empires of the age set the land ablaze with magics W'sh-tan Tia (named W'javi by his parents) believed no human would ever earn the wisdom to wield.Born in the last days of the Fifth Astral Era to W'garro Nunh and W'leele Tengo, W'javi Tia showed great interest in the world around him from a very young age, and that curiosity drew the attention of W'hela Tengo, his aunt and his band's powerful shaman, which their people called a spiritwalker. Little Javi trained with W'hela from the tender age of five until he turned sixteen, the age at which he would become either a man or a spiritwalker. For Javi, the choice had been made for him before the day of his birth, when the Wolf had blessed him with the gift of Song, and so he chose to pursue the path of the spiritwalker. The difficult rite of passage changed Javi, and he arose from his spirit walk with new wisdom and a new name: W'sh-tan Tia, spiritwalker of the W tribe.The years passed, and the three Great Wizarding Empires grew bolder and more destructive. Their war was sundering the spirit realm, and the chaos they wrought wracked W'sh-tan Tia's mind with nightmares at first, then terrors that would assault his vision day and night. As the tribes of the Sun that had settled elsewhere during the Fifth Astral Era fled to seek refuge among their ancestral cousins in Gyr Abania, and the growing numbers of miqo'te turned annoyed grumbles into riots, Tan kneeled alone and prayed for a vision that would tell him and his people what to do to address this worsening crisis.The refugees continued to arrive, only on this day they were joined by an odd party of adventurers led by a well-spoken roegadyn. The man introduced himself as Nyunkrepf Nyunkrepfsyn and announced his plan to sail north from Gyr Abania, but this plan was mocked and declared foolish by many of the people who listened to him, most of whom did not believe that it would be possible for a flood to harry their home, with its massive peaks and dry climate to shield it from such threats.Tan, however, had not been in town to hear the roegadyn speak. That morning, he'd been at home, his body shuddering in bed as his spirit was led by the Wolf to a green and fertile jungle. In the distance, the forest appears surrounded by peaks and flanked by two rivers carrying pure water across the valley bowl. Beasts of all types roamed the land, including some he had never chanced to see before: among them a massive, yellow-feathered bird with strong legs, small wings, and an unusually amicable caw.

An Eorzean paradise: the Dravanian Forelands and Coerthas Western Highlands in the years following the Great Flood.

"What is this place?" Tan finally thought to ask as he gazed around him in wonder.The Wolf did not answer because no animal, spirit or otherwise, spoke the language of men. It was too coarse and jagged for them, and they preferred to keep their own languages, each perfectly suited for their diverse throats, muscles, and jaws. And besides, wasn't relying singularly on sound to deliver a packet of information containing data as complex as meaning across a vast quantum chasm kind of ridiculous anyway? How could you ever expect any of that meaning to get across?

In prehistory, long before the time of men, the beasts had come together to consider the question of how they would communicate in such a way that all beasts at all times would understand the meaning being communicated. They realized that, although no system of communication would be perfect since physical reality itself limited its own accurate understanding, only one such system was absolutely necessary in order to communicate meaning: emotion itself, as communicated via the subtle use of dynamis.Wolf had been there, and he had remembered how Owl had only closed her eyes and felt, in the same way that the Moon had taught her. And Wolf felt compelled to close his eyes, and he could feel her. Owl's heart beating as if inside of his own, their rhythms slowly harmonizing until they each thrummed in accompaniment of the other. This was the day the beasts had created the spirit's tongue, called by the men of those early days aunne, a word meaning "the voice of the wind" in their frayed tongue.The Spirit Totems of the tribes of the Sun taught those among their people who were capable of making their minds silent enough to "listen" using dynamis to communicate with them in aunne. Those among the miqo'te who learned aunne became the Totems' chosen spiritwalkers.

It was using aunne now that Wolf reached out to touch Tan's aching heart, and Tan heard that the vision of this paradise was a hope for his people. One the totems of each of the tribes that he is able to help would assist him to reach, for the benefit of all."But how? The land does not grow, but our people do. All of this?" Tan gazed around at the forest that he saw, struggling to believe in his own faith now more than ever.The land belongs to all who live upon it, Wolf reminded Tan. And Tan realized the cost as Wolf walked him back. Back through the treacherous mountain paths and the hungering beasts and the bandits and the rising waters and the many other obstacles in their way. Wolf had taken Tan to a land far from their own, where no men had walked in many ages, fertile enough for the tribes to thrive for countless generations, but separated from them by many unknown and deadly obstacles.Tan closed his eyes and saw all of his band, his closest family and loved ones. They depended on him, and he on them. Together, he believed that he could accomplish anything. And if that was true of his band, perhaps it could also be true of all Seekers.As Tan began to spread word around town of his plan to travel north with any miqo'te who would travel with him. Because Tan's father, the nunh of his band, believed in his son's vision, he was among the few nunhs of the W tribe who elected to take their bands north with Tan. The only member of his band that stayed behind was his sister N'daeni Garro, who had married an obstinate N tribe nunh that refused to listen to any idea that he had not been tricked into believing he had invented. Tan was heartbroken. He was relieved when he learned that his younger sister, Y'stalya Garro, was able to convince her husband to have his band join their expedition. Within a month, Tan's party had grown to about 4,400 people: 1,700 miqo'te of the W tribe; 1,200 miqo'te of the Y tribe; 900 miqo'te of the U tribe, and 600 miqo'te of the N tribe.W'sh-tan Tia, his family, his band, and the four tribes left their homes exactly 13 days before the arrival of the Great Flood. By the time the waters rose to their position, they were nestled safely high up in the mountains of Abalathia's Spine. As they watched the waves crashing along the cliffsides below them, the Seekers turned to W'sh-tan Tia, and their faith in him was assured. Wolf, Jaguar, Drake, and Aldgoat would guide W'sh-tan Tia's every word and action, and he would lead them unto paradise.

The History of House Cross

The Sixth Era:

The Aldgoat

Chapter 2

The Exodus of the Four Beasts

A distant look at Abalathia's Spine from above. These dangerous lands, at the time, were home to violent, xenophobic elezen who had been driven out of the Twelveswood and had become highly aggressive in order to protect what little they had left.

The spines of Abalathia were less welcoming than W'sh-tan Tia had hoped. The elements whittled away at his people's strength and

This page is still being edited for accuracy and style. We should have an update for you by December 1, 2023.

The History of House Cross

The Sixth Era:

The Aldgoat

Chapter 3

To Spite One's Face

This page is still being edited for accuracy and style. We should have an update for you by December 1, 2023.

The History of House Cross

The Sixth Era:

The Aldgoat

Chapter 4

The Wyvern and the Rook

This page is still being edited for accuracy and style. We should have an update for you by December 1, 2023.

The History of House Cross

The Sixth Era:

The Aldgoat

Chapter 5

Fragile, Little Toys

This page is still being edited for accuracy and style. We should have an update for you by December 1, 2023.

The History of House Cross

The Sixth Era:

The Aldgoat

Chapter 6

The Turning Wheel

This page is still being edited for accuracy and style. We should have an update for you by December 1, 2023.

The Story of Joan

The Seventh Era:

The Wolf

Chapter 7

The Desert Where I Go to Die

This page is still being edited for accuracy and style. We should have an update for you by December 2, 2023.

The Story of Joan
The Rise of the HeraLDS

The Second

Machine War

Chapter 7

The Desert Where I Go to Die

This page is still being edited for accuracy and style. We should have an update for you by December 2, 2023.

My Very Special, Private Diary
Year 10 of 7AE

The

Sixth Astral Moon

Diaries

on the 27th Sun of the 6th Astral Moon

Dear Diary,

I'm still reeling from the incredible news. It's been only a few short weeks, and already it feels like almost everything has changed. I love Geras,1 I love Lillian,2 I love everyone who I'm lucky to have around me, and I love this new baby.3 I already want to know all about them,4 but I know that I have to be patient. I'm grateful that the Tarot5 doesn't actually reveal anything too obvious or absolute about the future, or I'd seek out some Tarot artist. And thankfully no one on my team has precognitive powers.To my knowledge, at least. It's always possible that someone will surprise me at some point in the future.6 After all, how long did I spend living with Lillian before I was finally made privy to the fact that she was dead, undead, or whatever other word people are choosing to name such things this month.7 Venny is a powerful voidsent whose soul is the selfsame soul that once terrorized the Amdapori Empire.8 I work with Ascians,9 I fight robots from another galaxy,10 and I'm raising two magical twins.11When I say all of these things aloud, my life does sound crazy, and it's a wonder that anyone would want to be anywhere near me. And yet, here I am, surrounded by incredible people and loved by folks whose love no one deserves.12 Anyone that gets it is blessed beyond measure. Geras's heart is larger than the heart of any man I've ever known, and as much as I'd love to keep it all to myself,13 I am more than proud to share that heart with the whole world. Lillian is more heroic than I could ever imagine. She destabilizes corrupt governments with a glare. And this woman has, on more than one occasion, admitted to admiring me. Me. A little loser miqo'te waif from the highlands of Coerthas, most of whose education was to be found in barns, on fields, in mills, riding chocobos, and fighting heretics.14This Studium-educated genius15 looks up to me. I still can't get over that. I can't get over that I gave birth to such a person.16 I believe in my children, I do. I just don't believe in myself enough to believe that my parenting could have created her. Again, it all just feels like luck.Which is interesting because it's not unusual that I see things that way. My therapist keeps telling me that I really need to notice when I attribute the responsibility for negative outcomes to myself and the responsibility for positive outcomes to the universe.17 It's something I know I've done exclusively before, to my detriment, and the first and best way to help the people around me is to help myself first. And that means working on this fragile self-esteem of mine.18Geras helps just by existing.19 When he talks to me, his words mean so much more than I could hope to say, but he doesn't have to talk. He just has to exist, and I am better for it. When I think about how much I suck, I think about him and how much he doesn't, and I remind myself that he wouldn't be with someone that sucks.20 After all, one of the things I love about him is his taste in women (see Zeri for clear evidence of this),21 and I am one of those women...for whom he has a taste.22, 23Does that even work grammatically?24 Sometimes I think I should hire a professional editor to fix my Eorzean Common. It's bad enough that it's not my first spoken language25. Unfortunately it is my first and only written language. I'm still frustrated by my reading speed sometimes,26 and I'm so glad that I have the ability to ensure that Lily, LJ, Noah, and the new baby never have to feel like I did as an adult. Afloat in a sea of incomprehensible scribbling that somehow everyone but me could understand.27Speaking of learning to read and write, it's so weird that I've lived in Gridania for so many years, yet it's been a long time since I've ventured into the deep forest to visit I-Erum.28 He's probably doing OK; padjal aren't particularly known for flailing about in the wilds of the Twelveswood. Still, I should go say hi when this whole thing is over. Once I know what we're going to do about Mina.29, 30Gods, what are we going to do about Mina. I wonder if Geras has any ideas. I don't know that he'd be down to raise her ourselves, especially with another kiddo already on the way.31I suppose this calls for that good ol' communication skill my therapist keeps talking about.32

In growth and in love,33💙 The Right Hon.
Css. Capt. Joan A. Stormwolf, EA/GTA, Ret.34
House Cross of Ishgard35

  1. Geras Stormwolf is Joan's husband. At this point they've been married less than a year and are still very much in love with one another. On the 15th Sun of this moon, Joan and Geras became pregnant with their first biological child.

  2. Lillian Jael Stormwolf, or Lillian, refers specifically to Joan's daughter from a now-defunct timeline where Noah became the primal Metatron and all humanity was destroyed. She traveled 19 years backwards in time to become her own godmother (among other things, one imagines).

  3. Elijah Caspian Stormwolf first came into existence as an concept on November 15, 2023. On that same day in the world of Eorzea (the 14th Sun of the Sixth Astral Moon), Elijah was conceived and his name and gender were chosen for him. (Monstrous, I know, but this is a fictional narrative not real life, so I'll cope.) At this point in the narrative, however, Elijah is still too little to know much about (other than through magical means that I'm trying to avoid using). Although his gender remains a mystery, his possible names have been chosen: if he were born a girl (he won't be), he would have been named Miriam Zeri Stormwolf; if he were born a boy (he absolutely will be, without question), he would be named the name that he will be named, which is highlighted above, so I'm not repeating it.

  4. Since Elijah's gender is still unknown to the characters, the singular, gender-neutral pronoun "they" is used in place of the singular, masculine "he."

  5. The Tarot and its associated cards, art, practices, beliefs, etc. are not endemic to the FFXIV universe. Because people like what they like, many RPers have transported Tarot cards and all those things that one might do with said cards into the universe of FFXIV, introducing the cards as they are (in much the same way as "Doman" Mahjong exists both in our world and in our characters'). It doesn't matter whether or not I personally think that the Tarot should exist in the FFXIV universe. The fact is that enough folks in the Mateus RP community have decided that it does exist, and so I can either buy into their premise or not RP with that rather large population of people. I'd rather RP with them. Happily and without hesitation.

  6. It wouldn't be the first time folks have suddenly come into their power later in their story. Gladjen awakened to his Echo during the Final Days, at the start of the Endwalker expansion. We can all be surprised by late bloomers. Then there's always the overpowered new folks. (I jest. I like them. I let them play their overpowered characters because I think that's fun. I may be a masochistic GM.)

  7. It's fair to say that Joan, who only recently learned that her oldest daughter, who had traveled back in time from a vaguely described but very obviously post-apocalyptic world, died at some point prior to her arrival in our present. Yes, Lillian may be present among them, but that still doesn't shake the fact that she's dead from Joan's mind. What does it mean that her daughter is dead? If her daughter can be dead and walk around, what even is dead? Why couldn't others be given the same opportunity? Would it be ethical to do so? This is why you don't raise existential or otherwise philosophical questions about the indifferent and chaotic nature of our universe around Joan; she obsesses.

  8. Venny, which is actually short for Venom, is Lillian's reaper avatar and closest friend. Venny has become an integral part of the Stormwolf family. Since Venny sees Lillian as his mother, that relationship extends to all of his relationships within the family. For example, he often refers to Joan as his "grandmother," a name that Joan has come to find particularly endearing to hear aloud (despite its sore implications about her advancing age). Venny's cool now, but prior to having the last dregs of his aether obliterated in a massive aerial battle over the warscarred southern reaches of Bozja, he was the exceptionally and infamously powerful archdemonic overlord Diabolos. So that's a thing.

  9. Joan has hated Ascians since she learned to blame them for the Seventh Umbral Calamity that killed most of her biological family and scattered the survivors all over the continent of Aldenard. Famously, she became the supervillainous god-being Ose Ul in order to kill one Ascian and then attempted to eliminate the fae races from existence in order to acquire the dark power to kill all Ascians. Did Joan overreact? Sure. But she still finds it super strange to be working alongside Ascians now, and the only reason that she absolutely has to put her shit aside to make this alliance work is because of her ongoing war against the alien, synthetic servants of the distantly extraetheiryan and deeply mysterious Machine God.

  10. The "robots from another galaxy" are totally the alien, synthetic servants of the distantly extraetheiryan and deeply mysterious Machine God. Joan does not know much about the Machine God yet because she is roleplaying through Act 2 of Phase I of my Second Machine War RP saga. Unrelated, but it is wild how much easier it is to say all that "Second Machine War" bullshit than to say "NieR: Unity," the actual name of my Second Machine War saga. Or just "Unity" if I were in some sort of a hurry. Unity, Unity, Unity... Maybe it's just a matter of practice? Of internalizing and sharing the name more often with others. Updating the website (at long last) would probably incentivize this. Thoughts to consider, I suppose.

  11. Who else could the "magical twins" be than the sweet and mischievously clever LJ and Noah? It has already been established that both twins were born with the Echo and unique abilities caused by their souls' extreme polarization: Noah's being so attuned to Light that he becomes able to manipulate all umbral aether and LJ's so attuned to Darkness that she becomes able to do the same with astral aether. Together, their combined power may allow them to do anything, including create new universes, ignite brand new souls in the palms of their hands, and rip the Echo and any associated from another human being. Perhaps even bring back the dead. But because their powers and personalities are so opposite, LJ and Noah find it difficult to equalize together despite their many, many attempts. Individually, LJ appears to have been born with a remarkable ability to harness unnatural speed and acceleration and an ability to create, manipulate, and destroy shadows. Noah was born with the distinct ability to feel the emotions of others as they feel them; although given his current innocent and simple understanding of emotions and the contexts in which these occur, strong negative emotions appear to do the small boy more harm than good. He also appears to be able to make inanimate objects glow, which...OK?

  12. Having low self-esteem is a bitch, no matter how old you are and no matter how powerful you are. Here we have Joan, an uneducated and heroic savant with the power to bring down armies singlehanded, and she still thinks everyone who likes her must have some reason to like her other than that "maybe Joan is an OK person who may be fun to hang out with from time to time, actually." She can't imagine having self-worth beyond what "worth" she is able to produce on her own. Damn...we Millennials sure grew up in a toxic-ass world. Poor Joan.

  13. Now Joan is just making up sins. Joan has never once even considered the possibility of stealing away Geras's heart and keeping it all to herself. Even if her self-esteem allowed her to believe, for just a second, that she was worthy of Geras's heart, the thought that she might prevent another person (one undoubtedly more worthy of it than she) of ever experiencing such a rich and vibrant love would tear her apart until she perished from poisonous exposure to self-inflicted guilt and shame. That is the cross one bears when one is raised Ishgardian Orthodox (read: Roman Catholic in the real world).

  14. Joan was born and raised in the small village of Hemlock in the Coerthan Western Highlands. Hemlock was utterly destroyed by avalanche during the Seventh Umbral Calamity, leading to the deaths of most of Joan's family. When her family lived in Hemlock, they were very, very poor miqo'te living under the "kind" thumb of Cliacent de Dzemael, lord of Hemlock. It was around this time that Joan began working as both farmer's help and lancer's squire. All of which may be true, but she's been through a lot sense then, and she spends so much time talking down about herself. Damn.

  15. Lillian went to the Studium in Old Sharlayan from ages seven to fifteen. Rather than graduate, Lillian was expelled following an accident where part of her thesis defense came back to life and tried to kill her advisors, not to mention the other students and professors. It's a mistake she wouldn't make now, but she can't really go back to her own Studium and ask for another chance. That thing is long gone. And none of this would have been possible without Joan's work and sacrifices. Lillian is well-aware of her mother's love of education and how hard she worked to make sure her children had the best education that they could, and she is grateful for it every single day.

  16. Lillian, LJ, and both of their Noahs were born in Troglophile's Deep, a cave in Labyrinthos, on the 3rd Sun of the Second Umbral Moon almost two years ago. Joan has never been able to fully explain to the authorities how she was able to infiltrate Labyrinthos, only that she had help from her late mentor, the talented archon Milò Niccolò Mik'lopolis.

  17. You take a long, hard look at yourself. You notice things about yourself you don't particularly like; things you'd prefer very much to change. You start to notice it more and more when you do the thing you really wish you wouldn't. It's a process, and it's never an easy one. And you'll never know when you crossed the finish line; you'll only ever notice that the environment has changed. For the better, we hope.

  18. Once you learn how to take those long, hard looks inward, you start being a lot better about seeing your flaws. If you can do that without beating yourself up over them, you'll have a much easier time changing your behavior over time. The fact that Joan knows how crappy her self-esteem is means that she not only knows that unbiased self-appraisal is a challenge for her, but she knows that what she personally thinks about herself at any given moment is likely to be warped by years of shitty internalized put-downs and is not worth taking seriously for any reason, at any time.

  19. That's true love right there, folks. Bow, chicka, bow-wow!

  20. And this is how you weaponize a partner's love against the horrible little monster that is depression.

  21. If you wrapped Joan up in Wonder Woman's Lasso of Truth, and it wasn't a kinky thing done on purpose to tittilate her, then Joan would be forced to admit that although she is straight, she would have all of the sex with one woman and one woman alone, assuming that woman came to Joan's house and said to her, "At last the time has come for us to have all of the sex." This woman is Zeri Silania, Geras's girlfriend, Joan's metamour, and now the soon-to-be mother of one of Geras's newest children. Only Zeri can make Joan break gay with a glance.

  22. Geras does appear to have a "taste" for Joan. Hey-oh!

  23. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.

  24. My girl is out here using endgame-level grammar and then doubting herself because it sounded weird to her on second thought. This is only one of the many reasons I have for never second-guessing myself. If I believe in my own answer, chances are I'm right because I know myself, and I would never answer a question that I wasn't certain I knew the answer to. Not ever. I would consider it literally a form of violence to present myself as an authority figure and use that trust in my—one should hope!—merit-based power to effectively command one or more people to do a thing that I wasn't reasonably certain would help everyone involved. And that's why I never second-guess myself if I can help it, and neither should Joan.

  25. English isn't my first language either (it's Spanish!), but I know the value of my education and the considerable amount of skill I've acquired at using the English language. The tragic result of this is that if I were to select editors at random from across the United States and Canada, I would struggle to find one with grammar better enough than mine to make any editing work they do for me worth my money and their time. This is why I save all outside editorial work to my very last few drafts, which maximizes their usefulness to me (my draft is now as good as I could possibly have made it without help, which is the perfect time to acquire help) and allows me to seek more than just feedback on my grammar (since my narrative is complete, I can ask for feedback on the manuscript as a whole, its themes, long-term coherence, structure, and more).

  26. Same, gurl. Same. My entire life, I've always been such a frustratingly slow reader. I tried to speed my reading up using speed reading skills I found on the Internet, but eventually learned why I read so slowly, and knowing this, I really don't want to read any faster. What I learned is that every time I improved my reading speed, I lost reading comprehension. The slower I read, the more I engage with the text, forming relationships with the book's contents and ultimately remembering its contents to such an extent that reading comprehension becomes super easy for me. I like that, and since I lose it by reading faster, I won't be reading faster. So I will remain frustrated by my slow reading speed forever. Excuse me while I go cry.

  27. I had a nightmare like this once, where I couldn't read. It was one of the worst experiences of my life, and I'd never want to repeat it. If I could give everyone in the world literacy by default, I'd do it in a second. Absolutely zero hesitation. When I imagine what the world is like for folks who can't read, this is how I picture it feeling.

  28. I mean, it's not exactly like I've come back to every single beat in Joan's backstory. I may even choose not go back to some of said beats...on purpose! But I have wanted to return to I-Erum-Monoa for some time now. Knowing under what circumstances Joan's story will begin to crawl towards an end, I know how important a role I-Erum must play in future events, which means there's no ifs, ands, or buts about it: I-Erum-Monoa will make his debut in Joan's adventure series. Clearly, I'm thinking of doing this sooner rather than later if his name is being foreshadowed so early on!

  29. I don't get to talk about the fact that Mina Kodakumi is named after Mina Harker from Bram Stoker's 1897 Gothic horror novel Dracula often enough. Yeah, I've said it to a few people. Yeah, maybe they've been impressed. But I have depression, damn it! How am I supposed to remember positive experiences and use them to soothe myself when I feel insecure and need reassurances from others! Preposterous! Anyway, Mina is a cool name, and you should think I'm cool because I named my 10-year-old Unity Phase I supervillain Mina.

  30. Hey! I said "Unity" instead of "Second Machine War saga"!

  31. I'm totally going to ask Geras's player if he'd be down to have his character and mine raise Mina together, and I'll be sure to find out and share the answer prior to completing this whole document.

  1. The amount of stuff Joan has learned about how to speak to herself and to others, how to draw and maintain boundaries with others, how to speak and be spoken to with respect, etc. is wild. And so much of it has happened in the last few months, thanks to a remarkable Ul'dahn therapist that I still know very little about. I know she's a woman, but that's all. As I sit here considering possibilities, I'm sort of thinking that I'd love for this clever professional to be a lalafell. One day I really ought to consider rounding out her character with a consistent backstory. At least.

  2. One has to appreciate how meaningful Joan's signature lines are. Small, concise, and massive. "In growth and in love" shows that Joan sees herself as a growing person: an imperfect individual seeking to improve, no matter the work that endless task should take. And it shows that this imperfect being sees herself as lovable and believes, despite her dark feelings from time to time, that she is enough. That she is worthy as she is.

  3. Yes, Joan has earned a ridiculously long name over the course of her life. The abbreviations used in her name include "Hon." in lieu of "Honorable" and "Css." in lieu of "Countess," Joan's official noble rank in Ishgard. The way that Joan wound up turning her family's surname into a noble house is a long one, but it's a fun one that I'll probably share somewhere at some point. For now, just know that everything that Joan has she has earned through blood, sweat, and tears. Capt. of course refers to her rank of captain in the Twin Adder. EA/GTA is an initialism for Eorzean Alliance/Gridanian Twin Adder. Finally, the Ret. indicates that she is a retired captain and not active duty.

  4. I just heard back, and Geras said that of course we'd adopt Mina! (Narratively, I don't wanna do it, but it is nice to know how much alike Joan and Geras are in mindset vis-à-vis children.)

My Very Special, Private Diary
Year 10 of 7AE

The

Sixth Astral Moon

Diaries

on the 29th Sun of the 6th Astral Moon

My Dear, Gracious Fleur,

Thank you so much for being my pen pal. I'm grateful that we have this way of keeping in touch now so that we can keep in touch and behave as friends ought to. I know it still takes a little bit of time to send mail from my little forest home to your tropical island paradise, so take your time and know that there is absolutely no pressure here. I've offered to write you, and you can either write me or not as you please. Of course I'd love to read anything that you send me, but just know that it's entirely up to you.Knowing that you're there, receiving these, helps me more than I can say. My therapist, whose name is Nadia1, has me doing these journaling exercises at home, but it's been remarkably hard to keep up with these. Or...I guess it's more correct to say that it's remarkably easy to find good excuses not to keep up with the journaling. Nadia suggested that accountability could help, and knowing that I want to write you is an incentive to be more accountable to myself: because I care that you get the letters that I've now promised you. And it will make me happy to know that you have.I guess it's fair to say that we don't know very much about each other, yeah? But since I've decided to more actively pursue my romantic interest in your brother, I know that in some sense, you will be like a sister to me. And I am a very sensitive person who really values family, so that's how I've decided to see you. It makes me happy to do this, so I hope it's not terribly weird. Again, no pressure from me. Think of all of this like an open door that you can walk in and out of as you like.So how would you introduce yourself, Fleur? It's so weird because if you were a diplomat or a criminal, I'd know exactly how to introduce myself. But here, in a more normal situation, I struggle to come up with the right words. Fortunately, this time has allowed me to come up with a direction to move in.Jhazmi'a and I met through Wyra'a, shortly after they'd become engaged to be married. This was some five years ago, although it feels like a lifetime ago considering how close I feel to Jhazmi'a today. I lost track of Wyra'a and Jhazmi'a shortly after they married and our free company fell apart. By that point, I'd begun to lead my own, and Wyra'a and I occasionally talked, but we became distant friends, and I didn't see Jhazmi'a again for a few years.Eventually, Wyra'a came to work for me, and Jhazmi'a occasionally came by to visit. Jhazmi'a and I rekindled our old friendship and then built upon it over the course of the following year, and finally Jhazmi'a also decided to come work for me. It was nice, being together again: Caspian, Jhazmi'a, Wyra'a, and me. Like the good ol' days when we first started out our independent careers as mercs together. It felt like our relationships were forever, and it was easy to convince yourself that it would never change.Oh, if only I knew then what I know now.Three years ago I made a horrible mistake that wound up hurting a lot of people. I used big magic to turn myself into an incredibly powerful being, but the power that I wielded had come from the sacrifice of my heart and everything else that made me human, so the decisions that I made were just as heartless. The mistakes I made eventually tore our free company apart, and we all went our own ways. A year later, I'd lost my big brother to suicide, but my daughter Lillian (the one you've certainly met already) had brought Jhazmi'a and Wyra'a back to me, and we became a family again.Then, as you know, we all lost Wyra'a recently. I was grateful to be among those who were able to be there for him, along with Jhazmi'a. We mourned him and celebrated him together, and he continued working with me on occasion while offering his student Deimos on a more full-time basis to my own new team. Although suddenly I'm not sure whether he offered or Deimos asked. I suppose that depends on when he and Lillian started dating.At last, I was to be married to Geras, my current husband who you simply have to meet. He's so tall, Fleur! I never imagined that I'd marry a man so tall. I used to find tall men intimidating and off-putting. But there's something...puppy-like about Geras. It makes his height not matter, given how endearing the rest of him is. I've even come to like his height! For other reasons. We can talk about those another time!I invited Jhazmi'a to be my man of honor, and he had my bachelorette party set up at a gay club. It was an incredible experience. Your brother throws amazing parties! It was during the course of that party that, somewhat inebriated, Jhazmi'a and I got to talking and discovered that we shared a mutual respect for one another that had eventually translated into a kind of desire, and we thought it'd be a fine time, then and there, to feed that desire its fill. And not long after that, I realized that I do love him, and that I'd love to be with him.I hope that you're familiar with how polycules work? If so, then you get how this all makes sense despite (and even because) Jhazmi'a has [name of Jhazmi'a's live-in boyfriend] and I have Geras. And not only that but I'm also carrying Geras's child. I imagine Keeper society is more open to polycules with more diverse structures than our more simplistic Seeker way, and of course the Seeker way could never make me happy despite that being my heritage. My family was raised in Coerthas, and we were raised to be Ishgardians, so my view on love used to be very much the same as my parents'. And Twelve, my parents were miserable, tragic figures that no one should ever want to model. So I was eager to accept this new way, and it turns out I'm rather an adaptable person! And I truly do enjoy a life so full of love, you know?If you wanted to share where you and T'zula stand on that, please feel free to. Trust that I know how difficult it is to find someone you can trust to talk to about such intimate matters.But that is the tale of how Jhazmi'a and I came to this point. It's unusual, but I think quite special in a way, and I really hope that you agree. But more than that, I would be so grateful to be the kind of person to you that if you should ever find her influence upon your life or the lives of those you love to be less than exceptional, you would feel comfortable letting her know so that she has the room to improve.I'd love to know a bit more about you! Tell me about yourself! About your husband T'zula Tia! Embarrassing stories about when Jhazmi'a was little! I'd love to hear it all. As for this letter, I'll end it here.

With all of a sister's love,💙 The Right Hon.
Css. Capt. Joan A. Stormwolf, EA/GTA, Ret.
House Cross of Ishgard

  1. Footnote? Definitely footnote.

  2. Nadia is the first name of Joan's Ul'dah-based therapist. Confirmed.

  3. Jhazmi'a is Fleur's older brother, the godfather of Joan's twins, and Joan's boyfriend.

  4. "Your gift is Death." It's not really the heroic white knight who just wants to be good wants to hear about the nature and purpose of their intrinsic supernatural abilities.

  5. I love you, Gen Z. I promise!

My Very Special, Private Diary
Year 10 of 7AE

The

Sixth Umbral Moon

Diaries

on the 1st Sun of the 6th Umbral Moon

Dear Sister,

This is the body of the letter. If the word "like" had a footnote attached to it, that footnote would look like1 this.2

[Awesome, Creative Signature],💙 The Right Hon.
Css. Joan A. Stormwolf
House Cross of Ishgard

  1. See? A footnote looks like this.

  2. This is what I like to call a "surprise" footnote. Tee-hee.